Hogwart's Rule Number 319
by Mister Jackkkk
Summary: Hogwart's Rule Number 319: I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.


**Hogwart's Rule Number 319: I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.**

Draco Malfoy was bored. Beyond bored. In fact, he could feel his brain decay from lack of use – that's how borred he was.

The Slytherin sighed loudly and looked about the common room.

There was hardly anyone here to help entertain him. Goyle sat in an arm chair to his left, prodding a Niffler he stole from Care of Magical Creatures class with his wand.

Draco rolled his eyes, "Crabbe – don't do that," he said angrilly.

When Goyle did nothing to stop his activities, Draco threw a cushion at him, startled, Goyle looked up, "What?"

"I told you to stop that!" shouted the blonde.

Goyle scrunched up his face, trying to recall when his friend had asked him to stop, "No... you didn't... you told Crabbe to stop," he pointed at the boy.

The duo watched as Crabbe, in his own boredom, stuffed a Gobstone up his nose.

As Draco was about to protest when he realised his mistake and went as red as a tomato. "I -" he started, feeling panicked – he decided to lie, "Of course Crabbe, I told you to stop poking that creature with your wand."

Goyle looked confused, "... but m'name's Goyle."

"No it's not!" screamed Draco, becoming flustered.

"If -" snorted Crabbe, as he now tried to remove the marble, "if he's Crabbe... who am I?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Goyle.

Draco folded his arms, "Isn't it obvious? You're Goyle!"

The boys stared at each other.

Crabbe stuck his finger up his nose, "I'm Goyle?"

"Yes," nodded Draco sagely.

The blonde's dumb friends looked to each other again and shrugged.

"Okay... I'm Goyle," confirmed Crabbe.

"And I'm Crabbe," said Goyle smiling.

"Yes," agreed Draco, a little surprised that they fell for it without further explanation.

And then Crabbe punched Goyle in the face.

"What are you doing?!" screamed Draco.

"If I'm Goyle – then Crabbe ate my cake mum sent me for my birthday!"

Goyle punched back, "You couldn't possibly eat it all on your own anyway!" growled Goyle.

"I didn't get a crumb!" roared Crabbe.

Draco started panicking again. He had fooled his friends into a mistaken identity fist fight.

"Eeep!" the blonde squeaked as he jumped out of the bulky boys way when Crabbe flung Goyle across the room.

Draco ran.

And ran.

And kept on going until he found himself at the library.

The Slytherin looked a bit silly with his hair in a mess, red blotched his pale skin from fleeing. A few students giggled behind their hands at him, but Draco didn't give them any attention.  
The blonde looked about the room in search of anyone who could help him.

Anyone at all.

Any single or group of witches or wizards would do!

"Malfoy, are you alright?"

Except her.

Draco turned around to see Granger staring at him.

"You're a mess... what happened?" her face suggested that she had no real interest – however she couldn't stop herself from asking.

Bloody Gryffindor Goody-two-shoes.

Draco searched the area again to see everyone avoiding his eye, and he sighed, "please," he hissed through gritted teeth, "please help me."

Hermione's eyes bulged, "Two times," she whispered, "you said please to me twice!" she grabbed his wrist and brought him to the back of the library where no one would spy on them. "What's wrong?" she hugged her books to her chest.

Draco took a deep breath, "I was bored, and wasn't thinking clearly and accidently called Goyle, Crabbe and he picked up on it so that they wouldn't tease me I convinced them that they were each other and now they're fighting over cake and it's all my fault!" the blonde rushed out.

Hermione blinked slowly "... did you use magic to convince them?"

Draco shook his head and Hermione gave him an odd look.

"Well... I know those two aren't the brightest in Hogwart's, but I don't think they would honestly believe to be each other without a magical influence," she cautiously patted Draco's shoulder, "Go back and see them," she said wisely, "I'm sure they are just playing a prank on you – Fred and George do the same to Ron all the time."

Draco frowned, "but – why would they?"

Hermione shrugged, "Ask them – if you really have convinced them to be the other, come back to see me – I'll find something," she spotted Harry and Ron a few bookshelves down, "I've got to go."

"Don't!" the Slythering went to grab her.

"I know," she held a hand up, "I won't tell anyone you asked for my help."

Draco nodded and slipped away from her, hearing Ron ask Hermione to help with his Potion's essay.

When Draco entered the common room again, Crabbe and Goyle were both on the floor – pushing the Gobstone retreaved from Crabbe's nose back and forth in front of the Niffle, that was now purple.

Draco carefully stepped closer and froze when both boys smiled goofilly up at him.

"He Draco," said Goyle.

"... hi..." replied the blonde.

"We didn't mean to scare you," said Crabbe, pushing the Niffler away from his marble.

"What?"

Goyle smiled, "You always think we're so dumb, don'cha?"

Draco fell silent.

"I mean," continued Goyle, "You didn't really think, we thought we were each other, did you?"

Draco blushed.

"Me and Goyle just want you to treat us like people with brains, "said Crabbe, "I know we're a bit slower than others – but we're not completely stupid.

Both boys encouraged their friend to join them on the floor, and Draco promised not to take advantage of them again.

A/N  
Every fic I've read suggests how Crabbe and Goyle share a single brain cell between each other, and I just wanted to prove that when they work together, they can outsmart at least one person. =P


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